Whirlwind

[mchlbhm]

Yeah, so here I am questioning my faith. I was raised a christian. The gospel according to St. John 1:1-3 was the first thing I learned to read. I believed, wholeheartedly, that I had conversations with god. I would hear him in my head and he would teach me and help me understand the KJV when I was little.

My mom, a die-hard christian, would pray and tell me what god said when I had questions. She seemed to have a much better connection with god. She taught me everything. I learned chess when I was six, learned how to read and write before I went to school (alphabet and counting english, spanish and german. pig-latin too. lol) and kept me safe.

So my parents sexually, physically, and verbally abused me. Not all at once, mind you. My dad started it with my sister. I told mom and she told me to forget it and that she'd take care of it. I tried so hard to forget because I trusted her so much. I did forget for the most part. The she abused me once, that I remember.


Four or five years pass and I'm reading the bible. I'm filled with the HS and feeling awesome spending time with my best friend (god). I come to the part about the unforgivable sin. I feel resistance but I say "The HS is of Satan." I could almost feel a "pop" and I felt nothing. No HS, not even a little hint of god. I went to mom in a panic. She prayed and said "OMG! What have you done?!?" and then went on to tell me that god can't forgive me of this sin. Anything else, but not this. In tears she told me that I will never have a good career, won't be able to keep a wife and kids, no car or house. I'll leave pain and destruction in my wake. That I'll be beaten, tortured and finally murdered. Just before I'm murdered, I'll come to feel an honest remorse (I was in tears.

Hysterical! I didn't care if I died or had to give up everything. Just don't leave me! He was my best friend. if that wasn't honest) and he'll finally forgive me. Not before. Oh yeah, that I'd seek help from others, but no man would be able to help me. ARRRG! Many years have passed. I can still remember that day as though it just happened. So, I question him. I question his parental skills and I wonder how life might have been growing up with science as my best friend.

[Darwinian]

I'm not going to read this until you sort it out into proper paragraphs with at least one clear line between them. I really don't want a headache!

May I refer you to Eilonnwy's excellent netiquette guide about paragraphs. http://atheistforums.org/thread-3469.html

[Paul the Human]

I read it and it is a sad testimonial to how religion can be detrimental to mental and emotional health. I am sorry you had to endure that, mchlbhm. I don't blame you for having a crisis of faith. There is nothing I would be able to tell you that would help restore that faith, but I can tell you that a happy and healthy life are quite possible without it.

[Rev. Rye]

I come to the part about the unforgivable sin. I feel resistance but I say "The HS is of Satan." I could almost feel a "pop" and I felt nothing. No HS, not even a little hint of god.

Yes. I think that putting that in the Bible would have been a big mistake; if you say something about thinking a thought being an unforgivable sin, this would likely immediately put that thought into the reader's head.

[Minimalist]

Yeah, don't mind Darwinian. He's hung up on grammar!

Awful story and a testimonial to why some people should not be allowed to breed.

[Ace Otana]

Sounds bloody awful. Really does. I too was abused sexually but not by my parents but a very sexy baby sitter.
Anyway, what causes you to believe in a god and why do you fear of what others tell you? How far have you questioned your beliefs? Any doubts?
You don't have to worry about not living a happy life without faith/religion. You don't need religion to live life to the full. You don't need religion to enjoy every moment of your life. Religion is nothing more than silly fairytales.

[mchlbhm]

I'm not going to read this until you sort it out into proper paragraphs with at least one clear line between them. I really don't want a headache!

May I refer you to Eilonnwy's excellent netiquette guide about paragraphs. (I can't post links)

Thank you, I did read it and will heed that advice to the best of my abilities.

---

Sounds bloody awful. Really does. I too was abused sexually but not by my parents but a very sexy baby sitter.
Anyway, what causes you to believe in a god and why do you fear of what others tell you? How far have you questioned your beliefs? Any doubts?
You don't have to worry about not living a happy life without faith/religion. You don't need religion to live life to the full. You don't need religion to enjoy every moment of your life. Religion is nothing more than silly fairytales.

I was a little kid. I trusted my mom. She taught me about god.

I questioned quite a bit. I could imagine life without religion. I sighed in relief when I started to disbelieve. Then I think about being dead wrong. Then I doubt my doubts. This goes in circles.

Fairytales... Once upon a time, I created a god. I chose to name him YHVH. He was easily angered, and held no qualms against killing his creation. He set up sick, twisted scenarios designed to "test" my faith. My logical side is trying to kill him. My love for *my* creation isn't letting me.

Sound about right?

[Violet]

I'm not going to read this until you sort it out into proper paragraphs with at least one clear line between them. I really don't want a headache!

May I refer you to Eilonnwy's excellent netiquette guide about paragraphs. (I can't post links)

Thank you, I did read it and will heed that advice to the best of my abilities.

There is a button that will allow you to edit in the lower right hand corner of your posts.

Sounds bloody awful. Really does. I too was abused sexually but not by my parents but a very sexy baby sitter.
Anyway, what causes you to believe in a god and why do you fear of what others tell you? How far have you questioned your beliefs? Any doubts?
You don't have to worry about not living a happy life without faith/religion. You don't need religion to live life to the full. You don't need religion to enjoy every moment of your life. Religion is nothing more than silly fairytales.

I was a little kid. I trusted my mom. She taught me about god.

I questioned quite a bit. I could imagine life without religion. I sighed in relief when I started to disbelieve. Then I think about being dead wrong. Then I doubt my doubts. This goes in circles.

Fairytales... Once upon a time, I created a god. I chose to name him YHVH. He was easily angered, and held no qualms against killing his creation. He set up sick, twisted scenarios designed to "test" my faith. My logical side is trying to kill him. My love for *my* creation isn't letting me.

Sound about right?

That sounds about right. But you don't sound like all that much of a christian imo

[Ace Otana]

I was a little kid. I trusted my mom. She taught me about god.

I questioned quite a bit. I could imagine life without religion. I sighed in relief when I started to disbelieve. Then I think about being dead wrong. Then I doubt my doubts. This goes in circles.

Fairytales... Once upon a time, I created a god. I chose to name him YHVH. He was easily angered, and held no qualms against killing his creation. He set up sick, twisted scenarios designed to "test" my faith. My logical side is trying to kill him. My love for *my* creation isn't letting me.

Sound about right?

I questioned quite a bit. I could imagine life without religion. I sighed in relief when I started to disbelieve. Then I think about being dead wrong. Then I doubt my doubts. This goes in circles.

Do you fear at what could happen when you die? Well personaly I don't. To me, death is the total end of your existance. No pain and no worries, just endless sleep. You know why I'm not worried about going to hell if god was real after all? It's because someone as smart as that wouldn't be stupid enough to torture someone for simply lacking believe in his existance. Also, if god is all knowing, he would know why I don't believe and so he'd understand wouldn't he? Very intelligent and advanced beings are far less likely to be violent. According to logic. If god really was as hasty as they describe him then he can't be very smart or advanced. So why call him god? If I, an extremely limited individual thinks it's wrong to send people to hell for torture all because of other people's opinions then surely a god whos far greater than I must at least think the same. No?
So really, there is no risk to doubting.

Fairytales... Once upon a time, I created a god. I chose to name him YHVH. He was easily angered, and held no qualms against killing his creation. He set up sick, twisted scenarios designed to "test" my faith. My logical side is trying to kill him. My love for *my* creation isn't letting me.

It's easy to create god. All it takes is imagination. It also doesn't take much to destroy it either. All that takes is reason.

The question I pose to you be this - Do you really believe in god? Do you really think he is anything more than an imagination?

[Darwinian]

After all that I'm surprised you still call yourself a Christian. In fact, if that was me I'd never want to hear the name again.